Do you bring things on yourself? By that I mean, do you regularly do something that causes a response in someone else? I've just been reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E.L.James and the main character Anastasia has the habit of "rolling her eyes" if Christian, her "boyfriend" does or says something she doesn't like.He seriously objects to her doing this and always reacts in the same way (which you'll have to read the book to find out about) but it made me think about how our actions can cause a reaction in others.Let me share my own example - much more mundane than the "Fifty Shades" case but fit for wider circulation.I used to work with a guy, we'll call him Fred, who used to wind me up all the time.He would say things in meetings that would either upset me or make me angry.I usually ended up getting embarrassed in front of my team - or occasionally hiding in my office crying.This happened every month and I grew to dread meetings with my team because of it.Then fortunately, I worked with a business coach who challenged me around why I thought Fred kept acting this way.With some prompting, I realised that he was doing it because he knew I would react in a certain way.To solve the problem, I had to stop reacting and to behave in a different way.I had to learn to ignore his wind ups and to smile sweetly and to focus on the agenda if he became disruptive.Once I learnt to do that (and it took several attempts to fully succeed), there was no fun in it for Fred anymore and he soon stopped.Once my emotions were taken out of the situation, I could tackle the issue with him and approached it by getting his input into how the meetings could be better and got him involved in running sessions.He was extremely intelligent and with hindsight, I think he was just bored and winding me up kept him entertained.We made huge progress and he became a real asset to the team and we had a great working relationship for many years - but it might never have changed if I hadn't changed my behaviour.So think about the way you react in certain situations.Are you responsible for encouraging others to behave in a certain way because of the way you react?Think about one meaning of the word "responsible" - it means to be "accountable for one's actions".One thing is for sure, becoming emotional (whether angry or sad) affects your ability to think rationally and to make rational decisions about your actions or responses.Learning to stay calm, relaxed, objective and in control will help you to make better choices about what you do and what you say.Make sure that the response you make is appropriate for the situation and consistent with how you want to be and what you want to achieve.Take time to consider if there are situations in your life that keep repeating themselves and ask yourself, is it something you are doing? As the W.L.Bateman quote says "if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got".You need to change your actions to get a different outcome - and to stop your own version of "eye rolling"!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Are Your Actions Getting in the Way of Your Own Happiness or Success?
Do you bring things on yourself? By that I mean, do you regularly do something that causes a response in someone else? I've just been reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E.L.James and the main character Anastasia has the habit of "rolling her eyes" if Christian, her "boyfriend" does or says something she doesn't like.He seriously objects to her doing this and always reacts in the same way (which you'll have to read the book to find out about) but it made me think about how our actions can cause a reaction in others.Let me share my own example - much more mundane than the "Fifty Shades" case but fit for wider circulation.I used to work with a guy, we'll call him Fred, who used to wind me up all the time.He would say things in meetings that would either upset me or make me angry.I usually ended up getting embarrassed in front of my team - or occasionally hiding in my office crying.This happened every month and I grew to dread meetings with my team because of it.Then fortunately, I worked with a business coach who challenged me around why I thought Fred kept acting this way.With some prompting, I realised that he was doing it because he knew I would react in a certain way.To solve the problem, I had to stop reacting and to behave in a different way.I had to learn to ignore his wind ups and to smile sweetly and to focus on the agenda if he became disruptive.Once I learnt to do that (and it took several attempts to fully succeed), there was no fun in it for Fred anymore and he soon stopped.Once my emotions were taken out of the situation, I could tackle the issue with him and approached it by getting his input into how the meetings could be better and got him involved in running sessions.He was extremely intelligent and with hindsight, I think he was just bored and winding me up kept him entertained.We made huge progress and he became a real asset to the team and we had a great working relationship for many years - but it might never have changed if I hadn't changed my behaviour.So think about the way you react in certain situations.Are you responsible for encouraging others to behave in a certain way because of the way you react?Think about one meaning of the word "responsible" - it means to be "accountable for one's actions".One thing is for sure, becoming emotional (whether angry or sad) affects your ability to think rationally and to make rational decisions about your actions or responses.Learning to stay calm, relaxed, objective and in control will help you to make better choices about what you do and what you say.Make sure that the response you make is appropriate for the situation and consistent with how you want to be and what you want to achieve.Take time to consider if there are situations in your life that keep repeating themselves and ask yourself, is it something you are doing? As the W.L.Bateman quote says "if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got".You need to change your actions to get a different outcome - and to stop your own version of "eye rolling"!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment